1.10.2013

 

[it's been a while]

it seems like forever since i was last able to enjoy myself, working on my computer in the middle of the night with great music to keep me company. by work of course i mean reading / studying / writing, all of which i need to be doing right now; by great music i mean my usual stalwart radio programmes on demand - gilles peterson and annie nightingale.

sure i've been staying up late(ish) given the time i have to be up in the mornings - but haven't quite had that feeling of being in the groove and enjoying the moment for quite some time. perhaps i've learnt to cope with chronic stress by compartmentalising it? wouldn't that be nice....

timestamp: anonymous 01:14 0 comments

8.08.2012

 

[flowers]

recent events have made me realise just how tenuous our grip on this world really is. one moment we're here, and the next, we're gone. in traditional and religious literature, flowers are meant to symbolise how fleeting life is. i guess they're used because they're so obvious, when they bloom and when they wilt; but we could easily also be thinking about bacteria (life is cheap), ants (life is cheap) .. maybe even the mayfly - if memory serves, they only live in their adult form for 24 hours, they don't eat, and only have enough energy to mate, lay eggs and die. (one has to wonder what kind of genes are selected for under such intense selection pressure!)

but i digress. i watched eddie murphy's oft-lamented "a thousand words" a few days ago, it is by no means a great film, but the message is a timely one for me, in my period of loss. too often we are so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life to actually *live* it, and spend meaningful time with the people we love. it's not the special moments that you wind up remembering, it's all the little everyday things that one so often takes for granted. i know it's all the little insignificant things that keep coming back to me now. and i suppose taking things forward, i now have a better appreciation for the small mercies in life.

[dubstar - stars]

---

Is it asking too much to be given time,
To know these songs and to sing them?
Is it asking too much of my vacant smile,
And my laugh and lies that bring them?

But as the stars are going out,
And this stage is full of nothing,
And the friends have all but gone,
For my life, my God, I'm singing.

We'll take our hearts outside,
Leave our lives behind,
And watch the stars go out.

We'll take our hearts outside,
Leave our lives behind,
And watch the stars go out.

Is it asking too much of my favourite friends,
To take these songs for real?
Is it asking too much of my partner's hands,
To take these songs for real?

But as the stars are going out,
And this stage is full of nothing,
And the friends have all but gone,
For my life, my God, I'm singing.

We'll take our hearts outside,
Leave our lives behind,
And watch the stars go out.

We'll take our hearts outside,
Leave our lives behind,
And watch the stars go out.

We'll take our hearts outside..

We'll take our hearts outside,
Leave our lives behind,
And watch the stars go out.

We'll take our hearts outside,
Leave our lives behind,
And watch the stars go out.

We'll take our hearts outside,
Leave our lives behind,
And watch the stars go out.

We'll take our hearts outside,
Leave our lives behind,
And watch the stars go out.

And watch the stars go out.
And watch the stars go out.

timestamp: anonymous 16:42 0 comments

5.26.2010

 

[GTD'oh!]

so as you can guess from the date of the entry that i didn't manage to pull off the weekly review, or do the scheduled read-through of Making It All Work, after having listened to the audiobook. occupied with a personal project that i'm aiming to finish within a week - everything else is on hold, even - gasp - no gaming!

in any case, i was listening to David Allen's second book, Ready for Anything, which has been criticised as being material in-between books: just a collection of tips and vignettes to improve on the GTD processes from his first book. so i was listening while at the gym, and even though a lot of the stuff is just a rehash of Getting Things Done, i did have what he terms a Blinding Flash of the Obvious (TM) - i was being daft and trying to capture, organise and clarify all at the same time, which is what you're patently not supposed to be doing. no wonder i didn't manage to stick with the program! d'oh!

Labels: D'oh, GTD

timestamp: anonymous 01:08 0 comments

5.12.2010

 

[reboot]

so i've decided to revive my old blog - not a full revival, not now, at any rate - just so that i can keep track of the millionth time i'm trying to make things over and start afresh.

current goals:

• lose weight (exercise more, eat less)
  
• finish reading Making It All Work by David Allen
• implement GTD (and other assorted productivity methods) in my life
• play less videogames, or do more work so that I don't feel bad about playing...
  

and we'll take things from there. i'll try to post progress weekly (hopefully) as part of the GTD weekly review.

current music: The Rolling Stones - Sympathy for the Devil

Labels: diet, GTD, reboot

timestamp: anonymous 01:08 0 comments

4.19.2008

 

[same old familiar feeling]

yup it's been quite a while since i last posted, now that i'm (relatively) free (oh, for about the next 48 hours?) i thought i might as well dust off the old blog, see what fixer-upping i could do. so i think i've managed to get rid of the annoying popup ad that stuck around long after its parent commenting service expired, i've re-enabled blogger comments on every blog post (doesn't really make a difference since nobody comments anyway) and i've tidied up the left-hand navigation bar. now the unvisited links aren't in an invisible shade of orange, they're actually legible [unlike my writing!]. i briefly considered changing the template, but couldn't find anything i liked, and decided i may as well stick with this one. :)

so what's happened? from the last post til now - not much, to be honest. i've almost come to the end of my first year on the wards but i still do as little work/reading up as is humanly possible, i dread to think about my exam results... waiting for the day i start research again, just because it's something different, i guess.

sometimes i sit back and think im such a big fraud - i don't deserve all this, and i'm certainly not working hard enough to justify it. then i go watch some tv (bet you didn't see that coming) and something comes up that strikes a chord in me. this time it was season 1 ep 5 of dirty sexy money, it's all about responsibility and growing up. the funny thing is that i'm overly responsible when it comes to other people - i'm only terribly irresponsible when i'm dealing with myself. can't seem to figure out why.. perhaps i indulge myself a bit too much.

also, for my loyal readers - yes i know i'm a terrible friend, and i beat myself up about it constantly. if you're still reading, drop me a line. been getting quite disillusioned lately with the people around me(!)

Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life

---

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...
Im packed and Im holding Im smiling
She living she golden and she lives for me
Says she lives for me
Ovation her own motivation
She comes round and she goes down on me
And I make her smile
Like a drug for you
Do ever what you want to do
Coming over you
Keep on smiling what we go through
One stop to the rhythm that divides you
And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse
Chop another line like a coda with a curse
Come on like a freak show takes the stage
We give them the games we play
She said I want something else
To get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life baby baby
I want something else
Im not listening when you say
Good-bye
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...
The sky was gold, it was rose
I was taking sips of it to my nose
And I wish I could get back there
Some place back there
Smiling in the pictures you would take
Doing crystal myth
Will lift you up until you break
It wont stop, I wont come down, I keep stock
With a tick tock rhythm and a bump for the drop
And then I bumped up
I took the hit I was given
Then I bumped again
And then I bumped again she said
How do I get back there to
The place where I fell asleep inside you
How do I get myself back to
The place where you said
I want something else to get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life baby baby
I want something else
Im not listening when you say
Good-bye
I believe in the sand beneath my toes
The beach gives a feeling an earthy feeling
I believe in the faith that grows
And the four right chords can make me cry
When Im with you I feel like I could die
And that would be all right, all right

[removed from radio edit]

When the plane came in
She said she was crashing
The velvet it rips in the city we tripped
On the urge to feel alive but now Im struggling to survive
Those days you were wearing that velvet dress
Youre the priestess I must confess
Those little red panties they pass the test
Slides up around the belly
Face down on the mattress
One, and you hold me and were broken
Still its all that I want to do just a little now
Feel myself heavy as the ground
Im scared but Im not coming down no no
And I wont run for my life
Shes got her jaws now locked down in a smile
But nothing is all right, all right

[/removed from radio edit]

I want something else
To get me through this life baby
I want something else
Not listening when you say
Good-bye
Good-bye
Good-bye
Good-bye
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...
The sky was gold it was rose
I was taking sips of it to my nose
And I wish I could get back there someplace
Back there in the place we used to
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...
I want something else

timestamp: anonymous 01:15 0 comments

10.01.2007

 

[from one of my books]

The old examinations were notoriously subjective but not without their humour. When pts with vesico-colic fistulae pass flatus during micturation it makes a curious whistling noise. An examiner in the old days asked a candidate what he would think if the pt told him that he whistled when he micturated.

The candidate replied "i would be thinking that he was a very happy man!"

LOL
clinical school has started, and before i'm on the wards proper, i'm already feeling very very stupid, not to mention drained of all energy by the time i get back. needless to say i'm not working enough. *sigh*

timestamp: anonymous 22:34 0 comments

7.26.2007

 

[it's been too long]

i'm getting tardy! (no surprises there, then.) since my last post, i've survived finals - only the first of an endless set of finals to come; graduated - once, only the first of hopefully an endless set of graduations to come; gone on a quick and much-needed vacation to sunny sunny Mallorca, and rainy rainy London. my desktop computer has given up the ghost at long last, so with a little bit of luck, i cannibalised the parts into another computer and am happily running Ubuntu (a Linux operating system!) on it. i'm also about to break free of some metaphorical and literal shackles, and when i'm not busy trying (in vain!) to lose those extra pounds, i'm fretting about having to deal with real patients and all the thousands of things i should know from pre-clinicals, but don't. along with the millions of things you're expected to learn in clinicals, but that's another story, for another time...

Avenue Q Soundtrack - What Do You Do with a BA in English (It Sucks to be Me)

---

Princeton: What do you do with a B.A. in English,
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree.
I can't pay the bills yet,
'Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place.
But somehow I can't shake,
The feeling I might make,
A difference, to the human race.

Kate: Morning, Brian.

Brian: Hi, Kate Monster.

Kate: How's life?

Brian: Disappointing.

Kate: What's the matter?

Brian: The catering company laid me off.

Kate: Oh, I'm sorry!

Brian: Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm ten years out of college,
and I always thought - oh...

Kate: What?

Brian:No, it sounds stupid.

Kate: Aww, come on!

Brian: When I was little I thought I would be...

Kate: What?

Brian: A big comedian on late night t.v.
But now I'm thirty-two and as
you can see I'm not.

Kate: Nope!

Brian: Oh well, it sucks to be me.

Kate: Nooo.

Brian: It sucks to be me.

Kate: No!

Brian: It sucks to be broke and unemployed
and turning thirty-three, it sucks to be me.

Kate: Oh, you think your life sucks?

Brian: I think so.

Kate: Your problems aren't so bad! I'm kinda pretty, and pretty damn smart.

Brian: You are!

Kate: Thanks! I like romantic things like music and art, and as you know I have a gigantic heart so why don't I have a boyfriend? F***! It sucks to be me.

Brian: Me too.

Kate: It sucks to be me

Brian: It sucks to be me, it sucks to be Brian

Kate: and Kate

Brian: To not have a job!

Kate: To not have a date!

Kate and Brian: It sucks to be me.

Brian: Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?

Nicky: Ah, certainly

Kate: Whose life sucks more? Brian's or mine?

Rod and Nicky: Ours!

Nicky: We live together

Rod: We're as close as people can get

Nicky: We've been the best of buddies

Rod: Ever since the day we met.

Nicky: So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset. Oh every day is an aggravation.

Rod: Come on, that's an exaggeraton!

Nicky: You leave your clothes out. You put your feet on my chair.

Rod: Oh yeah? You do such anal things like ironing your underwear.

Nicky: You make that very small apartment we share a hell

Rod: So do you, that's why I'm in hell too!

Nicky: It sucks to be me!

Rod: No, it sucks to be me!

Kate: It sucks to be me!

Brian: It sucks to be me!

All: Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!

Christmas Eve: Why you all so happy?

Rod: Because our lives suck!

Christmas Eve: Your lives suck? I hearing you correctly? HA! I coming to this country for opportunities. Tried to work in Korean deli but I am Japanese. But with hard work I earn two Master's degrees in social work! And now I a therapist! But I have no clients! And I have an unemployed fiance! And we have lots of bills to pay! It suck to be me! It suck to be me! I say it sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-suck! It suck to be me.

Princeton: Excuse me?

Brian: Hey there.

Princeton: Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live.

Christmas Eve: Why you looking the way out here?

Princeton: Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper! Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!

Brian:You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me go him

Princeton: Great, thanks!

Brian: Yo, GARY!

Gary: I'm comin' I'm comin'!

Princeton: Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman!

Gary: Yes I am! I'm Gary Coleman, from T.V.'s Diff'rent Strokes. I made a lotta money that got stolen by my folks! Now I'm broke and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes, but I'm here - the superintendent! - on Avenue Q.

All but Gary: It sucks to be you.

Kate: You win!

All but Gary: It sucks to be you

Brian: I feel better now!

Gary: Try having people stopping you to ask you "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" It gets old...

All: It sucks to be you on Avenue Q (sucks to be me) on Avenue Q (sucks to be you) on Avenue Q (sucks to be us) but not when we're together. We're together here on Avenue Q! We live on Avenue Q! Our friends do too! 'Til our dreams come true, we live on Avenue Q!

Princeton:This is real life!

All: We live on Avenue Q.

Nicky: You're gonna love it.

All: We live on Avenue Q!

Gary: Here's your keys!

All: Welcome to Avenue Q!

---

from only my favourite musical of all time, Avenue Q. and yes, before you start mouthing off, i do know i lead a very privileged and comfortable life. im thankful for that, but it doesn't necessarily mean it doesn't suck to be me, either.

timestamp: anonymous 03:02 0 comments